Worry Wart!!

It's early and I'm awake.  This happens quite often.  I try not to but I worry... a lot.  This makes it difficult to sleep sometimes.  It doesn't help that Ben's baby monitor is right next to my face and I can hear every little movement or squeak.  I've gotten to the point where I can turn the screen off so it's just sound but I don't know if that's better or worse because then I wake up every so often to turn it on to check on him and then turn it right back off.  Either way I'm awake.  But please understand I wouldn't have it any other way.  No, I can't get rid of the monitor or turn in down or off or put it on David's side because then that would just heighten the problem and make for one very annoyed husband because I'd be crawling over him all night to turn the monitor on.  Or one lonely husband because I would just go sleep in the nursery with Ben. :)

I know, I know, I am pathetic.  It's a work in progress.  Hopefully I can control my worry before my stomach lining becomes the victim.  We'll see.  Anyway, life is good of course and despite my so called irrational fears Ben is really healthy and happy.  He sleeps good and eats good and he is so stinking strong! When he's on our laps and we hold his hands he will try to get up on his own by pushing his legs against our stomachs and trying to lift his head up so if we pull up with his arms he will do the rest and just stand there forever!  It's amazing!  And each day he gets stronger and stronger and wants to stand for longer and longer!  He will even whine when we set him back down because he wants to get back up.  Who is this kid?! He is only 6 weeks old and been doing this for over a week and a half! Here is a video of him doing it. This is like the 6th time he's done it so he's getting kind of tired. 

He is just getting so big..I don't know if this was coincidence but yesterday we were just laying down on the bed next to eachother and I was talking to him and he reached out and started to touch my face.  He kept doing it and would do it while looking at me.  Is it too soon for a 5 almost 6 week old to have that kind of coordination?  I don't know but I like to think he was very aware that he was touching mamas face and trying to grab her nose (I have the scratch to prove it! :)

So my resolution is to worry less.  Really it's a serious problem and I am surprised that my poor husband hasn't killed me yet with all my inquiries and midnight breakdowns.  Instead he calms me and helps me to see that I am being ridiculous most of the time.  It's going take a lot of prayer...and probably lots of reading the books that my mom has suggested.  Let's hope it works.  Especially before Ben grows up and wants to kill me too.   I have been told all my life by my brothers that my kids are going to hate me because of the way that I worry and I know it's true..it could happen so that's good reason to get this under control.  

He is such a smiley baby.  I wish I was better at getting it on camera...well I wish I could get it on camera at all but when it happens I am just enjoying the moment either smiling back or holding back tears instead of reaching for the camera. :)  Soon.  I will get it soon I am sure.  A few days ago we got some visitors (Aunt Cathy and Aunt Pam and my cousin Julie) and when they came in and looked down at Ben he focused in on them and almost got this sad scared look on his face and I was afraid that he already had stranger danger but after they picked him and started talking to him he just started  smiling at them and talking with them...it was priceless.  

Aunt Pam gave us the most beautiful quilt for Ben to play on and enjoy.  I love it!  It is so soft and cuddly and so cute!  When Ben is on it I get down on it too! 

And Aunt Cathy had an adorable gift too!  We'll have to get pictures of Ben wearing them soon because they are so adorable!  I will post them soon!  Stay tuned!  

Well here is one more picture...it's random but it's so cute. I love it when he does this.  I love that he sleeps on his tummy for this reason...it's so cute!  His little bum in the air and his feet tucked in tight!  I could just eat him up!  

He doesn't look like he would be comfortable but he totally is!  He can sleep for hours like this!  Gosh I just love my little guy so much.  I am so happy and so in love.